work work work
I've been working a lot recently. It's nice that I'm relied on, but I mentally checked out of this job a year and a half ago. Maybe earlier. I am so exhausted. I am sick and tired of talking to customers. I have lost what generosity and kindness I had to strangers and have become bitter, irritable, and hateful. The entitlement and disregard with which customers treat me regardless of their race is eroding at who I am. My self esteem was never too good to begin with, but it certainly isn't helped by the fact that I feel as though my only redeeming quality is being able to fold.
I want to quit, but not knowing what I want to do instead (go back to school? find another job?) is giving me intense anxiety. So I just am staying paralyzed where I am, frozen in fear and anger.